Vash the Stampede
by flashgemini
Summary: In the distant future, on a strange planet two men have bounties on their heads, one is a gunslinger, the other...a strange excuse for a priest. One-shot ^Complete^ I haven't seen much of Trigun...so don't get mad at me....ok?


In the distant future, on a desert planet there is a legendary gunman. His name is Vash the Stampede. A gunslinger so dangerous, a $60,000,000,000 reward has been placed on his head! Vash, also known as the Humanoid Typhoon, has been credited with the destruction of several towns, but miraculously there is no record of him ever taking a life. However; only two things ever happen to those who catch up to Vash - they either crawl away wounded (mostly from self-inflicted damage), or they stagger away in disbelief that such a dork could possibly be the man they are looking for.  
  
A man is sitting at a bar, a mug of lukewarm beer in front of him, he's not drinking it, looks like he never even started to drink it. The bartender is reading a newspaper, out loud to those that choose to listen. Looking up at the man in front of him, he smirks slightly and watches him.  
  
"Can you believe that guy? He must be pretty amazing to be able to make it away without killing anyone."  
  
He did not comment, but raised his head and faced the man, making him jump slightly.  
  
"You..you're Vash the Stampede.."  
  
Standing, and pushing away from the bar he tossed a few coins at the bartender and walked away without a word. There were a few bounty hunters in the road, they ignored him at first, though as another man joins him walking out of the town they notice them both.  
  
"You and I really shouldn't walk so close, Priest."  
  
"Oh, maybe not, though it may have something to do with the cross I'm hauling around too."  
  
"Gee, you think?"  
  
"Fine, fine, when we get out of town I'll put the thing somewhere."  
  
"And where are you going to hide a large white cross that hides guns?"  
  
".."  
  
"We've got company, shall we? And remember, don't kill them, just wound them or something."  
  
"Just like always, Vash, I know the drill."  
  
"On the count of three.one, two, three."  
  
The two turn on the crowd of bounty hunters, some of them just stare in awe at the two men before them.  
  
"You guys are the bounties?"  
  
"Can't be..that one is a priest, isn't he?"  
  
Drawing their weapons and firing on the two men, the gun fight broke out, the blond yelping and running for a place to hide. The priest unveiled his gun and fired at the bounty hunters, kicking up more and more dust. After the dust cloud settled, the hunters were all around the ground, twitching and groaning and yet there was no sign of the two that they had come up against.  
  
*********  
  
Two women came upon the town sometime after the disappearance of the bounties, as well as the hunters.  
  
"It looks like this is another town hit by Vash the Stampede, Meryll."  
  
"Hmmm.I think he had help Miss, the bartender mentioned that there was a man with him, said he looked like a priest."  
  
"A priest, what kind of priest in his right mind would go around with that guy? He's a moron!"  
  
*********  
  
In a desert outlook, high on the mountain top, two men are sitting near a fire one is smoking the other is just staring into the darkness.  
  
"Vash.you all right, you look a little spaced."  
  
"Huh? Oh..yea, I'm fine. I was just thinking."  
  
"That's unusual for you.you sure you're all right?"  
  
"Trying to analyze me, Mr. Priest?"  
  
"Yea right..I can't analyze something thing that's not alive, can I?"  
  
"That was low, even for you."  
  
"Eh.I guess so; I'm getting sick of running, Vash."  
  
"You're not the only one, but from what we are, what we seem to be, I'm used to it."  
  
"Wow.that was dramatic."  
  
"Was it? Man..I'm hanging out with you too much; you're rubbing off on me."  
  
"Lord, that's a scary thought."  
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
The two crack up laughing and begin planning where they would go next and what they would do when they get there, another town, another time and another chance to go at a fortune.  
  
Who were those two men that devastated the town and yet killed no one? They have bounties on their heads making them the most wanted crime duo out there, and yet no one can get that close. Why? What makes a priest and an idiot so special? 


End file.
